Time Flies

I can't believe it's been over a year and a half since I started this blog, back then solely for the purpose of trying to win an Omnia HD. A lot can change in a year and a half. Here's a list.

-My girlfriend of 3 years and change and I broke up. It wasn't working out. She had changed, and I wasn't supportive at all of who she'd become. It seems she's moved on, and I'm trying to move now. It's a difficult process.

-I entered my senior year at Penn. I made some new friends, and started taking my last year of courses.

-I applied to grad schools. It was an exhausting, and expensive process.

-I got admitted to grad schools. Five out of the seven that I applied to. I had initially thought that Princeton was my top pick, because it was close to my ex and it was a fantastic school, but now it's just a fantastic school. I know I shouldn't let my personal life get in the way of my goals, but that's what I've been doing for nearly 4 years, so I guess I don't really know how to think otherwise. (If it's ambiguous, I got into Princeton, as well as UCSB, UMD, UIUC and Rutgers.)

I keep experiencing these moments where I really miss my ex. I still have a lot of pictures of the two of us, and sometimes I'll flip through them and just miss what we had. She'll tell you that we never had anything, and maybe she was right, but I thought we did. She's technically listed as a follower on this blog, though I have no idea if she'll ever see this. If you do, K, I hope you're doing well. I hope moving on isn't too easy for you, since it's a very painful and trying process for me.

I never meant for this to become a whiny blog, but I'm just so sad right now. How could she? What else is she going to do? Did I mean nothing at all to her? God. It all hurts so fucking much.

Breakups Suck

But ex-girlfriends who go from zero to slut in no time flat suck far more. I thought she would at least respect what we had, but clearly she's capable of moving on without a thought. Which sucks, because I know I'm going to be stuck in this rut wondering how many guys she's made out until I either find a new girl, or just become emotionally hardened to the point where she isn't an item in my mind.

I just don't understand how she's able to move on so easily. It's like she never actually cared to begin with. It's as if the whole time I was dating her, she was someplace else. I knew that the minute she joined a sorority, that we were on our way out. And then we broke up, and honestly, I was ok with that. But I'm not ok with her becoming a slut. I never will be.

I haven't heard from any more grad schools, but I think I know what I'm going to end up doing. I'm pretty sure I'm headed to UCSB next year, so I can just bury any memories that I had here. I can barely sleep in my own room because I keep thinking about her. It's horrible, and it's even more horrible because I know she doesn't care. As long as she has her "sorority" and her alcohol, she'll never think twice about dressing like a whore. And I used to believe that she wasn't the hookup type, but I don't really know what to think anymore. If you can change one part of yourself, you can change everything. And maybe she has. Maybe she's going to go through life with a hard heart and legs wide open. It just sucks that I'll always have to think that was what I dated once upon a time.