So Close...

Less than 24 hours until I get my Master's Degree. Where the hell has the time gone?

I'm editing my senior thesis. It's so weird thinking that all of this is really coming to an end. I'm going to miss the people I've met here so much...

I'm headed to Princeton next year. I'm pretty excited about this.

I also had my last performance with the West Philly Swingers this past weekend. We sold out the final show. I'm going to really miss performing with those guys, but hopefully I'll see them, and hopefully I'll be able to continue swing dancing.

I think I'm experiencing some post show blues, which is only further accentuated by the annoying thoughts about my ex that I continuously have. At this point, I'm almost certain she's been hooking up with frat boys, which is fantastic for her. Meanwhile, I continue to respect women and treat them well, and that, like always gets me absolutely nothing. I don't even want to think how many "girls dressed like sluts and bros" parties she's been to, but I'm sure she's enjoying every minute of it. It's always fun to see someone's true colors.

I just want to get over her, forget she existed, and enjoy the rest of my life. Though if I decide to go her route, apparently Princeton has plenty of "drunken titties" according to a friend who lives there. Hooray?

Time Flies

I can't believe it's been over a year and a half since I started this blog, back then solely for the purpose of trying to win an Omnia HD. A lot can change in a year and a half. Here's a list.

-My girlfriend of 3 years and change and I broke up. It wasn't working out. She had changed, and I wasn't supportive at all of who she'd become. It seems she's moved on, and I'm trying to move now. It's a difficult process.

-I entered my senior year at Penn. I made some new friends, and started taking my last year of courses.

-I applied to grad schools. It was an exhausting, and expensive process.

-I got admitted to grad schools. Five out of the seven that I applied to. I had initially thought that Princeton was my top pick, because it was close to my ex and it was a fantastic school, but now it's just a fantastic school. I know I shouldn't let my personal life get in the way of my goals, but that's what I've been doing for nearly 4 years, so I guess I don't really know how to think otherwise. (If it's ambiguous, I got into Princeton, as well as UCSB, UMD, UIUC and Rutgers.)

I keep experiencing these moments where I really miss my ex. I still have a lot of pictures of the two of us, and sometimes I'll flip through them and just miss what we had. She'll tell you that we never had anything, and maybe she was right, but I thought we did. She's technically listed as a follower on this blog, though I have no idea if she'll ever see this. If you do, K, I hope you're doing well. I hope moving on isn't too easy for you, since it's a very painful and trying process for me.

I never meant for this to become a whiny blog, but I'm just so sad right now. How could she? What else is she going to do? Did I mean nothing at all to her? God. It all hurts so fucking much.

Breakups Suck

But ex-girlfriends who go from zero to slut in no time flat suck far more. I thought she would at least respect what we had, but clearly she's capable of moving on without a thought. Which sucks, because I know I'm going to be stuck in this rut wondering how many guys she's made out until I either find a new girl, or just become emotionally hardened to the point where she isn't an item in my mind.

I just don't understand how she's able to move on so easily. It's like she never actually cared to begin with. It's as if the whole time I was dating her, she was someplace else. I knew that the minute she joined a sorority, that we were on our way out. And then we broke up, and honestly, I was ok with that. But I'm not ok with her becoming a slut. I never will be.

I haven't heard from any more grad schools, but I think I know what I'm going to end up doing. I'm pretty sure I'm headed to UCSB next year, so I can just bury any memories that I had here. I can barely sleep in my own room because I keep thinking about her. It's horrible, and it's even more horrible because I know she doesn't care. As long as she has her "sorority" and her alcohol, she'll never think twice about dressing like a whore. And I used to believe that she wasn't the hookup type, but I don't really know what to think anymore. If you can change one part of yourself, you can change everything. And maybe she has. Maybe she's going to go through life with a hard heart and legs wide open. It just sucks that I'll always have to think that was what I dated once upon a time.

Gragh.

Well, as I post this entry, I am surrounded by piles of clothing and a couple of instruments. No, it is not laundry day. I'm moving back to Penn tomorrow. It's weird, since this will be the last time I move back to Penn. It's also my last semester at Penn, ever (I didn't opt to apply there for grad school, so yeah). Kinda depressing.

Grad school apps kinda have me up a wall (still). I sent in all the applications, and according to a friend of mine, Feb 20th-ish is D-Day for Princeton (cross your appendages for me!). I'm ticked, though, because now I have to wait, and fix all the clerical bullshit that makes this a tricky process. Example: Applying for the NDSEG was a bitch and a half because it looked like my transcripts had been lost in the mail. Then suddenly, miraculously, they showed up. Whew, but goddamn USPS, you suck. Same deal with UCSB right now. Also, I still am waiting on a letter of recommendation for Rutgers (which was due back on the 31st -_-;), and one of my recommenders is being difficult and not writing a letter I need. I hope he's just kidding, since the deadline is only 3 days away (it's UMD, if you're curious). In either case, there are many loose threads to tie up still, and I'm going to go crazy waiting til March.

I hope this semester is fun.